The last month...

So.. I have been gone for a month.. here is a quick picture tour of what I have been doing:

Started out by getting really sick! I had a cough and I could not breath. Terrible.

Even though I was sick.. I still ran a half marathon. It started at 5:30 AM

Running...  As much as I could while being sick, and not being able to breath. 

I finished and made it alive! 

Still sick, and it rained almost every day. Still resting and not working out.

See that mountain... I did an 8 mile hike up it. Still sick, so I did not make it all the way to the top. Some day I will make it to the top of this mountain!

I was grumpy at work.. but I had done my make up.. so I took a pic. starting to feel better finally!

Being sick for three weeks.. and I did not lose any weight. I gained. So, back to the grind, and back to working out!

Long story short.. I was very sick for a while, and I still tried to be active. Like going on beasty hikes, and running half marathons.. And it almost killed me. (I think it might be why I was sick for so long.)

But I am feeling better, and I am back on track. I am going to kick butt this week, and get in all of my work outs, and I am going to track all of the things I eat!

Kicking Butt, and Taking Names - And drinking out of nasty waterbottles

I decided to start going to WW on Saturday rather than during the week. That way I can go work out, and then weigh in.

In my area we have a Co-op that does fresh fruit and veggies every Saturday. You pay $15 and you get a basket of awesome stuff. It's called a bountiful basket. The pick up time for me is at 7:30 am.   My weight watchers meeting is at 8 AM. So my plan was to get up super early and go work out. Then go get my basket, and finish up at weight watchers. I was going to get so much done by 8:30 am.        Then I realized, I was going to have to be at the gym by 5 am to run 10 miles in time to pick up my basket. .... Yeah... that did not happen. I slept in until 7. When I got to weight watchers I found out they have a 10 am meeting. Hell Yeah! I skipped out of there, and went to the gym. That was enough time to run 10 miles if I hurried.

I got to the gym, and realized that I did not have my water bottle. And it was HOT in the gym. But I was in a time crunch, and I needed to get my run in before my WW meeting. So I was going to run 3 miles, then hit the water fountain. Run three... water. It would work out.... I must have been crazy. It was SO hot that I needed water after a mile. Sweat was dripping off of my eye brows and nose and I was getting dehydrated fast.  The whole time I am running/walking I am eyeing a water bottle that is sitting on a ledge. I decide that if I get to three miles, and the water bottle is still there, IT IS MINE.  I hit three miles, and went for it. I grabbed that water bottle, dumped out the last little bit of water in there, wiped off the mouth part, and filled it up. And I drank out of that bottle for the rest of the time at the gym, and then again at my weight watchers meeting. The WHOLE time I was grossed out, and so happy that I had water. I was very torn about it.  (By the way, I only did 7 miles because it was so hot and because of the time crunch)

When I weighed in at weight watchers, I found out that I had lost 5 pounds from last week. So I am down a total of 8.2 pounds! If you have been following my blog for a while, you know that I have weight loss jars. And I move a gem over for every pound that I have lost. When I hit 30 pounds lost maybe I will do another give away to win a set for yourself!

I keep these bad boys on my desk at work. That way I have to look at them all day every day and they remind me to keep my eating in check. I love em.

I also felt really good about my hair this morning. It just seemed to work. Its been a long time since I have taken a selfie and not felt really bad about myself after. So.. GO ME. :)

Here is to having another good week. Running my booty off, and eating healthy. I want to hit a 4 lb loss at my WW meeting this Saturday so I can get my 5% lost and my key chain on the same day. :)

4 things about me...

One of my fellow bloggers did a 4 things about me post, and I loved it. So I thought I would steal it.

4 Jobs I've Had

1. Customer Service Manager

2. Video Store Cashier

3.  Project Manager

4. Account Consultant

4 Movies I've Watched More Than Once

1. Pride and Prejudice. (The new one)

2. Enchanted

3. Sound of Music

4. 7 Brides for 7 Brothers

4 Places I Have Been

1. Hawaii

2. Disney Land

3. Seattle

4. Chicago

4 TV Shows I Watch 

1. Young and Hungry

2. Biggest Loser

3. Once Upon A Time

4. Melissa & Joey

4 Things I'm Always Saying

1. Huh? (I think I am going deaf...)

2. That's what she said

3. Laughing (I laugh all the time!)

4. Okay

4 Things I'm Looking Forward to This Year (2015)

1. Running a Marathon in Hawaii

2. Going on Vacation in Hawaii before I run

3. Wrapping up a big project I have been working on at work

4. Christmas. (Who does not love Christmas??!??!)

Four things in my purse

1. Wallet

2. Work out Log

3. Chap Stick (or 4)

4. Running paraphernalia (Headphones, or gel packs.. something)

Four things I couldn't live without

1. My Hubby

2. My Doggy

3. Diet Coke

4. Books! I Love reading.

Finding Motivation

It's been a long time since I have blogged. It's been a long time since I have lost weight. In fact, I keep gaining weight. I could go on and on about how busy I have been, and how hard it is to find the time... But let's get serious.

• I have no kids.
• I live with my Mother in Law and she grocery shops and cooks for me. (Seriously.. people would kill to have their own shopper and cook.. FOR FREE!)
• I work full time at an awesome company where I do not have a strict schedule. If I get to work before 9 am, I am good to go. 
• I have great friends that work out. 
• I have a supportive husband. 
• I have a fridge at my desk at work, so I can pack a lunch.
• I have a gym membership, and the gym is less than a mile from my house.
• I have no excuse as to why I cannot make this happen. 

I am a grown ass woman.. what is my problem. Why is this so hard for me?? Why am I not losing weight? I am living the dream...

Do I not want this enough? Am I too lazy? What the crap...  Nope and nope. I want this bad! I want to be able to run and not be floppy. I want to have a tight little figure, and make my hubby drool when I get dressed up. (Well, more drooling than he already does.. really.. he is fantastic.) I work hard. I run half marathons. I run almost daily. I am a beast at work. I get crap done. So what is the problem?

After lots of internal debate and arguing I figured out that I am driven by external sources. I need someone asking me what I weigh week after week. I need someone holding me accountable. I need to prove myself. Essentially, I need a weight loss boss. Someone to check in on me, and just see how I am doing. With that little bit of encouragement, I thrive. I kick butt.

How am I going to do that? Find a buddy.. Tried that.. crapped out after a week or two. Ask the Hubby?  Sure.. worked fine. Until it Aunt Flow came.. then I turned into a hormonal beast, and I bit his head off. Then cried. So.. that was a no go.

I finally landed on Weight Watchers. Random 3rd party that will encourage me and check in on me. Someone that I can work for. Prove that I am awesome, and that I can work hard. And I REALLY like the platform. I love that fruits and veggies are zero points. (I refuse to feel food guilt for eating a banana. Yes.. I know it's super high in sugar... but it's A BANANA!!! I want a freakin medal for the fact that I chose that over the bag of Oreos!) I like that I can eat what ever I want as long as I have the points. I really eat all fruit for breakfast (0 point breakfast.. hell yeah!) A small low point lunch, and then I have desert with dinner. Every day. And I do not feel guilty.

Last week was my first week.. And I ate it up. I loved the class. I loved the location. I loved the staff. And I loved that it motivated me. Got me thinking about things that I would not have thought about on my own. (They talked about gratitude, and being happy with what you have first. LOVED IT)

I also decided to buy a fitness tracker so I can track all of my awesome working out. I really like that it has a large enough section for lifting, and a spot for cardio. It also has a spot to put in what I ate. I use the tiny box above the nutrition to put in how many WW points I ate that day. And for balance and flexibility, I use that for mental healthy. I read books, or meditate, or pray. And I try to do that every day.  The book is called: The Ultimate Workout Log by Suzanne Schlosberg. And I love it.

Here is a pic:

I plan on blogging a few times a week.. and just keeping everyone up to date. Ever Friday I want to post my weight and talk about my game plan for the next week.

This week I figured I would just shock everyone by actually posting...   And last but not least.. Blogs are boring unless you post some pictures. So.. here I am running a 10K. (But I got lost, and actually only ran 5 miles... Muh..) The dude is my awesome co-worker Eric.

Peace out!

First Reward and Punishment --

So.. Its deadline day. Last Monday I set a goal to lose 6 lbs by today. On Friday I was already down 3. I was so excited and I knew I could hit my goal.

Then came Sunday. And I blew it. I over ate. And I did not work out. So I gained back all I had lost. So I worked my little butt off and I ran and I lifted at the gym, and I thought I still had a chance.

But I was still 3lbs short.

As my punishment, I am selling a pair of my skinny pants. And I am SO sad about it. But, that is the choice I made when I chose to eat all of the sugar on Sunday.

I did come up with a new goal. I want to finish off the 6lbs by Sunday of this week. I KNOW I can do this.

If I get it done, I get to buy myself a new book.

If I do not get it done, I have to work in the yard for a half an hour every day next week. (WHICH IS HORRIBLE!)

So... Here goes more hard work!

My fire has been lit!

Something clicked in me this week. My fire was lit and I am ready to rock! Maybe this happened because I hit a really high weight on the scale. Maybe this happened because summer is right around the corner. Maybe this happened because I cannot fit into my pants any more. But it happened!!!

In the past I have tried reward charts. And they never seem to work. This week I found a reward system that speaks to me. Its not only a reward chart, its also a punishment chart.  Here my goal for this week and part of next week.

I want to: Lose 6lbs By: Wed the 16th.  When I reach my goal I will reward myself by: Buying myself a book from Barnes and Noble. If I do not reach my goal I will punish myself by: Selling a pair of my skinny pants online.

I feel like I should start out with a disclaimer. Yes I know that 6lbs is a lofty goal. However, its the first week I have started eating healthier. Its also the first week I am starting running again. So its not a crazy goal that is unreachable. In fact, I am already half way there, and I have not been able to work out like I want to.

I feel so inspired, and like I can actually do it this time!

I do have a list of goal weights and rewards. But I do not have a list of punishments. I want to choose them each time, to really keep me motivated.

Because I am started out again at my highest weight ever this quote is my theme:

Here is to an awesome 2014!!!

"Friday" Weigh in - And weekly Goals

Around November of last year, I hid my scale to it would know own me any more. I had become obsessed with the scale and what the number said, and I allowed that number to dictate my self worth. I believe I am finally in a place where that number will no longer rule me. So.. I got the scale out, and the number it showed we was shocking..

However, I did not let that get me down. I simply thought to myself.. well.. When I lose all of this weight, it will look even more impressive. Awesome, I have more weight to lose, and more to be proud of when it is gone. And my before and after pictures are going to be so much better!

I do want to admit that it is really hard for me to post this number. I really am opening myself up here and laying it all out in the open. Writing on a blog that anyone can read is very scary. However, I know that I have to take these risks, and allow myself to be vulnerable, or I will never grow.

So here goes nothing: 220.4.   (I weigh in first thing in the morning, wearing nothing but my skin and a smile. )

Now, I want to post about my goals and what I intend to do, so I never see that number again.

Goals for this week:

1. Work out every day. Even if it is just walk with my doggy. I want to do something every day. 
2. Eat clean Monday through Friday.  Nothing processed. Just good ol fashioned food. (Friday is Valentines day, and I am SO going out to eat on Saturday! )
3. Eat under 1500 calories a day. Which is actually a lot of food if you are eating clean.
4. Drink 100 oz of water a day. Not soda, not juice, not crystal lite.. just water. ( I will admit that I LOVE diet coke. I did quit caffeine, so I have been drinking caffeine free diet coke, and loving every minute of it.. but not this week.

I will report back mid week to let you know how I am doing. :) And every Friday, I am going to weigh in!

2014 is not going to be the year I become a new woman.. It is going to be the year that I find out who I am.

I wanted 2013 to be the year that my life changed. I was going to end the year a better wife. I was going to be skinnier, funnier, a better lover and home maker. And I was going to love life. I was going to own 2013.

Most of all, I wanted to be skinnier. I thought if I lost weight, everything else would fall into place. Losing weight was the key. So it was what I focused on!

I started out with a personal trainer and working out with him. But I was staying the same weight. He had me go to the Dr and then the endocrinologist. I was going to get skinny and I was going to use whatever was necessary to make that happen. I ate differently. I worked out differently. I took different medication. It was all for a good cause. It was going to be the year my life changed. I had to make sacrifices.

And sacrifice I did. I sacrificed my happiness. In the quest to become something else, I did in fact lose myself. I became obsessed with what I looked like. And more importantly, I judged myself by the number on the scale. The number on the scale would determine my mood. My self worth. My self esteem. That number owned me.

So much so in fact that when my weight went up I felt worthless.

The endocrinologist put me on a new medication and I had a terrible reaction to it. I gained a LOT of weight. Because the number on the scale kept going up, I stopped being happy. I stopped doing my hair. I stopped wearing make up. I stopped wanting to be with my husband. I felt ugly because of the number on the scale and why should I waste time putting on make up when I was just covering up an ugly body.

Work became a priority. It was one place that I felt like I could shine. So I started working long hours and taking on big projects. However, when I got home, I was grumpy and moody. And depressed. After work, all I wanted to do was lay around at home and read books or watch TV. I stopped talking to my friends, and I stopped going out on dates with my husband. I also stopped cleaning my house. And working out.

I also became jealous. Of everyone! Girls at work. Girls in Movies. Girls that I did not even know. And especially my husbands ex girlfriends. I would judge myself against them. And I was so critical of myself that I fell out of love with myself.

Looking back 2013 was a year that changed my life. It was one of the worst years of my life. I ended the year completely out of shape. Heavier than I have ever been before. Depressed, hating myself and wondering why my husband would even want to be with me.

So I decided to make 2014 different. Mid December, I took my scale out of my bathroom. I took down all of the “motivational” weight loss pictures I had hung up. I threw away all of the notes I had taken about previous weights and goals.

I wrote up a training schedule to get me back in the gym. I forced myself to wear make up and do my hair. I even started whitening my teeth. I also spend one whole day deep cleaning my house. And every night, I spend a few minutes and clean my house. I also work less. I am not staying late and I am not working from home. Its only been a few weeks since I have started this change, but I am feeling better already. I am doing things for me.

I am going to make 2014 the year that I fall in love with Paige. I am not going to worry once about what the scale says. I am going to work my butt off at the gym and I am going to eat healthy so I can feel good. And so I can run my half marathons and beat my fastest time.

2014 is not going to be the year I become a new woman.. It is going to be the year that I find out who I am. That I find the woman inside me.

Reasons to Lose Weight

 I am starting out this week with all of the reasons I want to lose weight!


Happy
Confident
Sexy
Proud
Finally Dress in my style
Run a half in less than 2 hours
To make Tye "Randy Baby"!
Wear Swimming Suits
Love Shopping
Love Myself
Believe that others can love me
To get double looks
ABs!
To have self control
Be an example to future kids
Become a better me
Be Disciplined
Wear a little black dress and rock it
Make a promise to myself and keep it
Beat my Fears
Shove it down the throat of everyone who said I couldn't
To shut up the judgy bitches
Live Longer
Clearer Skin
better Sex
More Sex
Vacation pictures I am proud of
Become an Athlete
To have a transformation Picture
Take up less space
136!!!
To shut myself up
Feel beautiful
feel beautiful without Make up
To look Hott in pants!
To not be the fat friend
Confidence
master myself
to be able to control my appetite
to win
not let the scale scare me
fit into all of my clothing
When I dress up make Tye's jaw drop

It shouldn't be this hard...

I feel like there are 5 catagories in my life.

Excersize
Eating healthy
Work
House work
Husband

At any given time.. I am rocking two of those.  Most of the time Work and Hubby come first. I need my job and I do not even want to think about living my life without my Husband. This means that Working out, Eating Right and Cleaning my house are being neglected.

When I try and add in a third, for about a week, I am ok. Then one of the 5 goes to crap. I will start to get behind at work, by man.. my house is clean and my hubby is happy and I have worked out 5 days in a row.  Or I will get really caught up at work and feel like I am a rock star, and my house is a wreck and I have eaten McDonalds and Pizza... And working out... Ain't no body got time for that!

I don't even have kids yet... Imagining adding kids to that list makes me panic. 

Right now I am trying to find out the magic ingredient to having all 5 categories of my life working at once. I do not know how to make everything work. 

Two weeks ago I was doing pretty good. I swam, did 2 spin classes, ran for an hour, biked for an hour, lifted three times. But I did not watch what I ate and I was getting a little behind at work. I felt like I could add in eating healthy and still be ok. I felt like I was going in the right direction. I was so motivated to start eating good!!

Last week I taught sewing classes on Monday night from 6 pm until 1 Am and I went to bed with a terrible headache. I woke up with a full blown migraine on Tuesday Morning. I worked from 7 am until 1 pm and then I could not handle it any more. I went home and went to bed. Wednesday, my headache was still there. So after working a full day, I cam home and rested. Thursday I ended up getting a huge project at work that needed to be done right away, so I worked from 7 am until 8:45 pm. I ate McDonald's for lunch and pizza for dinner. So much for eating healthy. Friday I was spent... and rested after work.

Me at work the day I had a migraine. Yuck! It was a terrible day!

 That is an example of how one part of my life will take over the rest will go to crap. Work took over and it was amazing how fast I dropped working out and dropped eating healthy.

I feel like once I figure out how to juggle all parts of my life.. I will finally be able to lose weight and keep it off. The problem is.. how!!

If anyone has any advise on this.. Let me know.