Monday Weigh in-- On a Tuesday, but posted on Wednesday.

Some times life gets so busy, that before you know it... its Wednesday night and you still have not posted about your Monday morning weigh in.

My weigh in was what I thought it would be. TERRIBLE! I do not remember the whole number, but it was in the 214s. YIKES! I forgot to take a picture, and I wanted to forget about that number. So I am... I went to the gym and I worked my butt off and I watched what I ate... and on Tuesday.. this is what I saw:

WOO Hoo!! That gives me hope that I will reach my goal of under 210 this week. I just need to keep pushing myself. 

So far weight lifting has been great. I really like to get in there and push myself. Its nice to feel sore the next day and know that you did that. You can do hard things and you can work hard.  Here I am doing some pull downs.

Today was a cardio day and I spent an hour on the treadmill and an hour on the bikes... and I am one sleepy girl. So I am going to head to bed. I have an early morning spin class to get my behind to. :)

Sunday Follow up of Goals - Yuck

Well.. Its Sunday. Time to follow up on my goals and see how I did. Goals in black, results in Purple.

• Track all of my calories in.  I want to be between 1500 and 2000 calories a day. I did super good... the first two days.  After that.. I totally stopped tracking! I need to do better on this!
• Work out at least 5 times. 3 weight and 2 cardio. I lifted weights 4 times, and no cardio. I have having the hardest time getting back on the treadmill. Never before has it been the DREAD mill until now.
• Be under 210 by next Monday. I am not sure yet... but I have a feeling its not happening. Birthday parties and going out to eat right before a weight in, not good.
• Drink 100 oz of water daily.  WATER folks. NOT DIET COKE. Oh gosh.. I love my soda. But that love affair is over.  I just about killed this one... I drank water every day. And lots of it. Until Saturday. I spent most of my Saturday teaching crafting lessons for my church group. Fun day, but i HAD to have my diet coke to get me through.
• Check in with my blog at least twice this week.  Yipes... Failed at this one.
• Monthly Inches goal: I want to lose at least an inch and a half from my stomach and a quarter of an inch from my thighs and hips. - I am not sure yet.. But if I do not get my butt in gear.. I will not hit this goal.

Overall synopsis.  Uh Oh. I failed at week one. I did really good at lifting weights, but terrible at tracking what I ate and cardio. (Only the two most important things) So, I had to come up with a plan to keep me on track for this week.

I decided to plaster my phone with pictures of my goal. If you have been reading my blog for a while now, you know that its Jessica Biel. She is the same height as me, and I believe we have the same body type. She is just 80 pounds smaller than me. (Well... that and she is married to JT. *sigh.. he is funny and good looking*... )  She is my screen saver on my phone and I downloaded 20 or so pictures of her that I can look through when I get a craving for a donut. Or a cookie. Or ice cream. I could go on all day.

Some day I will rock an outfit like her. I wear them all the time to work out now... but..  I do not look as good as she does in them... YET!

 
Plan number 2 - Do my cardio before I lift. I have the C25K app on my phone and I am going to use it to run faster. I can already run for long distances... but not fast. My goal over this winter is to be able to run a 5 k in 27 Minutes. So, every time the app tells me to run, I am going to sprint. When it tells me to walk.. I am going to job.

I do want to take a second and congratulate myself on the good things I did this week. I kicked butt in the gym when it comes to weights. I was there around 45 minutes every day lifting. And when I lift... I go ALL out.  My little bro has lifted weights consecutively over the last 8 years and he is a pretty buff guy. Well, I put him through my work outs and he could not pee or sneeze without feeling pain. It was Awesome! I also was pretty darn sore all week. I love knowing that I can push myself and do hard things.

I also drank a TON of water this week. Which means I had to pee constantly. But it was worth it. I found that I was starting to crave water and not diet coke, and water was actually starting to taste good to me. For a long time, I hated water. I am learning that I hated water, because I never drank it. I did not know what I was missing out on.

I am scared about tomorrows weight in... EEEKEKKK!!!

Monday Nov 4th Weigh In - And Monthly Measurements

Today is the big day. I woke up full of dread and excitement.   Dread because I have to see what I have done to myself. No more hiding the scale and wearing baggy clothes.

And excited because its the start. As long as I keep working on this, there is only one place I will go. Down. Down in inches and weight that is. :)

So... here goes nothing.

Weight: 212.6 Pounds

Neck: 13.25"
Bicep: 14"
Forearm: 10.5"
Wrist: 6.25"
Chest: I never measure my chest. It changes with the moon, and with whatever bra I am wearing.
Stomach: 38"
Waist: 43"
Hips: 47.25"
Saddle: 44.75"
Thigh: 28.5"
Calf: 16.5"

Now for my goals for the week and month.

• Track all of my calories in.  I want to be between 1500 and 2000 calories a day.
• Work out at least 5 times. 3 weight and 2 cardio.
• Be under 210 by next Monday.
• Drink 100 oz of water daily.  WATER folks. NOT DIET COKE. Oh gosh.. I love my soda. But that love affair is over. 
• Check in with my blog at least twice this week. 
• Monthly Inches goal: I want to lose at least an inch and a half from my stomach and a quarter of an inch from my thighs and hips. 

And just for fun.. here are a few pics of me on Halloween.I work in the accounts department and we decided to go as the Sons of Account-archy for Halloween.

I am 4 over on the left. I have the Ducati jacket on.

I am second over on the left. Short Hair with leather chaps.

Jumping Back In - Before the New Year Even!

The last few months have been really rough. Hormone treatments, sprained ankles, half marathons without training, and worst of all I went up in inches, and I gained weight. The inches are worse than the weight!  I gained 18 lbs, and I went up SO many inches. My waist is 7 inches bigger. My thighs are each 3 inches bigger. I had to get new pants, new shirts, and there is nothing from my old closet that fits. And they were already my fat pants.

I have tried my best to keep my chin up and look to the future and know that all of the treatments we are doing now will help me... but then....

This morning I found stretch marks on my tummy! AAHAAHhh... YIKES! 

So I decided that I was done with all of the hormone treatments. I am done with feeling yucky. I am done gaining weight. I am for sure done growing in size. I am done hating my body. I am done with stretch marks. I am done buying new clothes. I am done feeling insecure. I am done huffing and puffing.

And I am going back to the gym. I am going to run like I did before. I am going to lift more than ever before and I am going to lose these pounds and these inches. Most importantly the inches. I am going to start loving myself. I am going to make myself proud. I am going to start wearing my old clothes. I am going to start turning heads when they see the incredible shrinking woman.

Its all starting on Monday. I will post my weight and I will post my inches. And I will say goodbye to all of my dignity. And I will dig in and get going. And I will post my weekly goals.

The best part of all:  I found a new work out buddy. My little brother. In the past we have had a rocky relationship, and I am hoping this will mend the broken bonds.

Normally at this time of year, I will wait and start a new work out regiment at the beginning of the year, but the stretch marks did it for me. I cannot let that happen to my body. I have to start doing something right away.

So here we go!

Uurghhg... A step Backwards!

So.. I ate clean all week. I ate exactly what my dietitian told me to do. Which was the same thing, every single day. I had eggs for breakfast, chicken and black beans for lunch, apple and chicken for a snack, Chicken and sweet potato for dinner.  Lots of really healthy foods. And guess what happened.

I lost weight for the first few days. Then I gained weight. SO LAME!!!

I ended my week at 210.4. And I wanted to scream. And I wanted to give up.

But I started thinking about all of the reasons I want to lose weight. Here are some of the highlights.

• I want to lose weight so I can wear all of the clothing I own.
• I want to lose weight so I can look cute in the clothing the manikins wear.
• I want to lose weight so I can run faster. 
• I want to lose weight for my husband. I want him to be blown away by me. (He loves me and is the greatest hubby... but I want to blow his mind... Know what I mean??) 
• I want to lose weight to prove to every one that told me I would never do it, that I can. And I also want to tell them to shove it.
• I want to lose weight so I will love myself more and feel beautiful. 
• I want to lose weight so that I can wear shorts when I run. (Right now those shorts crawl right up into my crotch... You girls with thighs that touch, know what I am talking about) 
• I want to lose weight to Prove to myself that I can do it. 

After I thought of these reasons for a while, I decided that I was going to do this my way. I was going to eat healthy, be a beast in the gym and lose weight on my own.

No dietitian. No trainer. No one pushing me. All by my self. Because really.. losing weight is a journey you must do on your own.  No one can lose weight for you. 

I want to use the picture above as my before picture. I want to take a picture on Halloween of myself and compare them. And I WILL see a difference.

I have the same goal for this week. I want to get down to 204.8.

Back in the Saddle Again

Why Hello. Yes.. I am alive. Since I last wrote there has been much that has happened.

First and formost, I got sick of working really hard and not seeing any results. So I hired a trainer.

But that did not feel right. They kept telling me things to do that I knew were not good for my body.

So I hired a nutritionist. And this was awesome. He had me eat a very strict diet for a week while we were testing my glucose levels. We found some crazy things. My glucose levels were always around 80. No matter what I ate. They never really spiked and they never really dropped. We tried a lot of different food combinations, and exercise programs. However, I start to gain weight. Like crazy. I went from 190 or so to 209.4!  Depressing!!!

So my nutritionist sent me to an endocrinologist. We tested my insulin, cortisol, testosterone and estrogen levels, and my thyroid. We found out that my insulin was perfect, so I am not insulin resistant. My cortisol was perfect so I am not stressed out all the time. My estrogen was perfect, so I am not poly cystic. My thyroid is perfect. However... my testosterone has about twice as high as it should be. Which is causing problems for my body.

Because Testosterone is what gives you energy and I was no longer going to have testosterone, my energy levels were going to be terrible for the next few weeks. My body would recover and would start to find energy the normal way, however it was going to be a terrible two weeks... or so.

Here I am running a half Marathon. I rocked it!

It was recommended that I not start taking Spiro until after I ran the half marathon I had coming up on June 15th, and after I went on a church camping trip with a few hundred girls from June 17th through the 21st. . I needed my energy. 

It was my Birthday during Camp. Super Fun!

Once I got done running and got girls camp over with, I started taking the Spiro. The date was June 24th and they were not kidding. I felt like poop.  I was sleepy and tired and yucky all the time. You know when you have a head ache because you didn't get enough sleep... I had that headache for three weeks straight.  I drank energy drinks like they were going out of style. And they did nothing. I make mistakes at work because I could not focus. It was terrible. I would go running and I was unable to run more than a mile. When I pushed myself, I would throw up or almost pass out. I have never felt so week and lazy in my life. I would come home from work, lay on the couch and read. Then go to bed. Get up and do it all over again.

Its been 3 weeks since I started on death drug and I am finally starting to feel better. I am going to start training for my next half marathon today and I HOPE I am able to run and get with the program. And not pass out or barf. 

I am also starting a clean eating regiment today as well. Chicken, black beans, corn eggs... that sort of things.

And I want to start being accountable again. It was hard to keep myself motivated when a personal trainer, nutritionist and endocrinologist were all messing with me.  I am hoping with the combination of having my hormones level out, running and eating clean I can start seeing some weight come off.  I want to get back into One-derland so bad it hurts! 

So.. my goals for this week. See the scale go from 209.4 to 204.8. See me run 3 miles without stopping. And eat clean.

The emotions of losing weight!

This past week has been very real for me. And very tough. I wish I was this super human that could be motivational every day and never have sad feeling and always lose weight! I wish I could make changes in my own life that will motivate others to become a better person... It's just not happening. I am human.

I keep remembering how in elementary school no one wanted to spider with me on the swings. Why... I was too big and even if I was on the bottom, the swing would still pinch their legs. They wanted to find someone smaller.

In case you don't know what spidering on a swing is... Here you go.. Only imagine innocent little kids...

I keep remembering how in middle school I was made fun of in PE. I was called cow, and whale and I was never chose to be on the team. I was always the last choice. Who wants the chubby kid on their dodge ball team or on their kick ball team.

In high school when we all jammed into the back of the car I was on bottom. I always had two of my friends sitting on my lap. Because I took up the most space, and I was the heaviest. And I could not sit on anyone's lap.

I also only got asked on three days in High School. Two out of three were pity dates. And the third one was a man whore guy who wanted to get with his teachers daughter.

Picture of me in high school. I am in the middle of the picture in a red plaid shirt.

My first year in collage I was not asked on a single data. While all of my roomies were going on dates and coming home stary eyed... I was getting strait A's and working on keeping my full ride scholarship.

After collage I started dating on line and I turned into a slutty type girl. I figured if I could get a guy to pay attention to me, I would do just about whatever he wanted to keep him around. I really did have self esteem issues. And I had no idea how to love myself.

I finally got myself figured out and I had some self respect... and I met my neighbor. He thought I was fun, but was not attracted to me at all. I was SO not his type. We became best friends and eventually he decided he wanted to date me. When we got engaged I over heard him talking to a mutual friend. He said: "I have dated some gorgeous girls... super hott girls. Paige is not the best looking girl that I have dated by far, but I know she is the one for me because of who she helps me to become and how great of a person she is." 

Me and my hubby when we first started dating

All of these memories have been running though my head all week. I am so sick of being the fat girl. The girl of his dreams... except for how I look.

I am desperate to lose this weight. I want to NEVER have feelings of worthlessness because of my weight. I never want to be held back ever again.

I am a roller coaster of emotions. I have cried, and laughed and been angry all within hours of each other as I struggle with the scars of my past. Losing weight is more emotional than I ever thought it would be.

I PASSED!! And.. Friday Weigh In.

I was pleasantly surprised when I weighed in this morning and I was at 192.4. And I was in a hurry and forgot to take a picture!! But I am stoked!!! I am almost out of the 190's. My goal is to be out by next week!!!

I will say that my biggest accomplishment of the week is saying no to unhealthy food. Let me show you some photographic proof of how awesome I am!!

We had a baby shower at work... and here is HALF of the table. The other half of the table was equally full of food that I wanted to eat.  Ok... ok.. I wanted to bathe in that food. I believe I was lusting after that food. and yet the only thing that I took... was a picture!

 While everyone in the company was stuffing their faces with delectable treats... I made myself a chicken and strawberry salad with some poppyseed dressing. And it was SO yummy! (It was no donut... but it was tasty) And I was so proud of myself for saying no and being strong.

 I had people coming up to me all afternoon letting me know how proud of me they were. It was awesome!

I also started training for my half marathon on June 15th. And so far... my times are slow.. but I have not missed a day! BAM! I feel like I am killing it this week!

 

I saw this picture about running... and I fell in love with it! Its so true! When I can shut down my brain, I can run farther than I can when I am mentally dragging myself down. 

Next week I will talk more about what I am eating and why I am eating it. So all you girls who have poly cystic... tune in! It will be great info for you. :)

Friday Weigh in -- and catching up on everything I missed

I bet you all thought that I had died... Nope. I have just been busy. And in a slump. That happens to real people from time to time. :)

Here are a few things that I have been doing since the last time I posted.

I ran a valentines 5K with my friend Ashely. When I woke up... there was snow everywhere. Luckily there was not too much snow on the ground during the race.  We even bought matching pink jackets! Aren't we cute. (Minus how bright it was.. and we were all squinty eyed in all of our pictures.

Me and the hubby got matching tattoos. We both got white bands on our wedding fingers. I need to get it touched up and then I will take a better pictures to show you. But.. here i am getting worked on. It did not hurt at all. Maybe I am super tough.. or maybe my awesome tattoo guys is awesome... or maybe both. :)

I also played with my cute dog.

Made a baby quilt for a friend... and its adorable.

 And last but not least... I lost some weight! Woo Hoo. For the Month of February I lost 5.2 lbs. Hurray!!

I also hired a nutritionist. I have my second meeting with him tomorrow. I will admit that I am not strong enough to do this on my own. I need someone to help me. To tell me that I can keep going. I need someone that can see my potential and help me believe in myself.

I will meet with him twice a month and just check in to see how I am doing with my eating. I kid you not.. watching what you eat is how you lose weight. Working out will tone your muscles, but eating right will make you skinny. I have been working out for years. Running half marathons... lifting weights. and I have never lost more than 20 lbs. And then I will start eating like a porker again and bam... I would gain all of the weight back.. even though I was still working out. 

Hopefully with the help of a professional, and a LOT of hard work... I can make a lasting change!

Friday Weigh in

The last two weeks have been horrible. Lets re-cap.

Monday - Friday of last week.--- The FLU and aunt Flo.
Saturday - Tuesday -- Migraine Headache and Terrible snow storm.
Wednesday - My Husbands grandmother passed away and snow storm Still raging on.
Thursday - Made dinner for my neighbor. Ever made a double batch of spaghetti in a hurry... My kitchen looked like I murdered someone.Then spent most of the night cleaning up the disaster that I made.
Friday - Forgot about an early company meeting and panicked this morning when I only had 15 minutes to get ready.  So I weighed in, but I was half way dressed and much to busy to take a picture of the scale.

It read: 199.0  Boo.. I'm up a little... but I am not that surprised. With everything that has been going on... I am lucky if I have time to make my lunches or grab something healthy. I have been eating out of vending machines, and living in the drive thru.

Normally, I would be really upset and I would want to quit. However, I feel like something has finally clicked in my head.. I really want this and I want to keep going. No giving up. A year from now I want to look back and be proud of myself.

Here is a picture of me driving to work in the snow storm. Yep... I'm driving and taking a picture on my phone. 

This was the view on the way to work this morning. Looks like mother nature is trying to make up for all of the crappy weather last week. Also driving and taking a picture on my phone. 

On a bright note, I found the lean cuisine salad additions and they are SO yummy. And so healthy. I am for sure going to have to stock up on them. Its like a lean cuisine microwave meal, but you provide the lettuce and turn a blank salad into something awesome.

Here is hoping that everyone has a great weekend... and that things start looking up around here. :)