Sleeping in, Tears, and Starting over

The last few weeks have been super hard on me.

Lets start with two weeks ago. - I was working out really hard. I started the 30 day shred, I was going to the gym at least once a day, and some times twice. And I gained weight. It was sickening. I was devastated, and super unmotivated. I was counting my miles I was running but not counting the calories I was eating and I ended up adding numbers to the scale. Sick.

Last week my gym buddy was out of town so I slept in and did not go to the gym in the morning. And it was so tough to get to the gym in the afternoon. I forgot how hard it was to motivate myself in the evenings. I also did not count my calories. I was getting really depressed.

That is when I hid the scale. I am done weighing in. I cannot count my workouts, and my miles, and my calories, and my weight and work every day, be a good wife, keep my house clean, be a good sister, daughter, and everything that needs to be done. Because if one of those numbers starts to slip, I feel like a failure in all of those areas. For some reason, if the failure happens to be in my weight category, I end up crying myself to sleep and feeling super depressed.

I never want to cry myself to sleep again over my weight. Or not feeling like I am not good enough. And I am starting by only weighing in once a month. And I am skipping April.

I am starting to count calories again, and I am counting miles. I want need to start training for a race I have coming up in June and I am going to be running uphill for over ten miles. YIKES! I like hills as much as I like the fly machine at the gym. And about as much as I like eating healthy. And getting up at the butt crack of dawn to work out... ( I could go on and on, but I will save you and stop)

One of my favorite quotes is this: If you do not like starting over, don't stop.

Here goes nothing. Lets see if I can never start again!!!