It seems like every where I go, I run into incredible girls. As we get talking, I find out that they have PCOS just like me. As Andrea is telling me her story I immediately ask her if she will be my next guest post. Her story is incredible and inspiring. I am so glad that she agreed! You are going to love this story, and her!
I’ve never been
the tiny girl. I’m tall and big-boned and have always had thick
thighs. When I was a child, my mother said that I had “froggy
legs.” She wasn’t wrong, and still isn’t. As a teen, I always
had a little extra chub (well, little for my frame, anyway). I wore a
size 14 and weighed 180ish pounds, and unlike many, I was and still
am mostly fine with that. I have biggish breasts and curvy hips, and
I look pretty good at that size. But like many teenagers, I battled
stress and self-loathing, and so at 15 I developed unhealthy and
sporadic eating habits.
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| At 18 years, size 14. |
In my junior year
of high school, I got insanely sick – horrific cramps, clammy
sweats, and vomiting. Even though we didn’t have health insurance,
my father took me to the emergency room. Ugh. It was a horrible
experience! I will just say this: the ER is an awful place to
experience your first pelvic exam. I had an ultrasound and I was told
that my little ovaries were drowning in cysts and that one of them
was rupturing. Then I was released and that was that. No other
information about treatment or forthcoming related health issues.
In college, my weight started going crazy. In my freshman year,
mostly due to not eating, I lost 15 lb. and went to a size 12, but
each consecutive year had me gaining a pant size. I continued my
unpleasant weight gain until I was 25, which found me at a size 24/26
and close to 300 lb. While visiting my Primary Care Physician on an
unrelated issue, she said that she wanted to talk about my weight and
blood test results, including my high cholesterol. I did NOT. I’ve
never been a big eater, but I was also never particularly active, and
my weight was a matter of extreme shame. The doctor knew my
disordered eating history, and so declared that I was binge eating
without purging. Since I tended more towards NOT eating than
overeating, I freaked out. For the next two weeks I was convinced
that every single thing I put in my mouth was a binge, and so barely
ate a thing.
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| pre-diagnosis, size 24ish |
Then I shook myself
out of it. I’m not stupid. I knew that I wasn’t binging, and that
doctor had never even asked me to keep a food journal. I definitely
knew more about my eating habits than that dumb, insensitive doctor.
Luckily, at this point I had nice insurance, and so I went to see an
Endocrinologist. She was a miracle. She looked at the exact same
blood tests and said, “You have Poly-Cystic Ovarian Syndrome.” We
sat and talked about it. I had actually forgotten about my ER visit
and the ultrasound entirely, as I had never been informed that there
could be so many complications. This lady was great, and patient. She
explained to me that I am Insulin Resistant – that my insulin is
poor quality stuff and won’t connect properly with food particles,
and so I gain and gain and gain, and that somehow this is connected
to my unbalanced hormone levels.
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| pre-diagnosis, size 24ish |
I never got facial
hair or lost head hair, but I sure did get big. Anyway,
Endocrinologist put me on 2000mg of Metformin (500mg the first month,
adding another 500 each following month until I reached the goal
dosage) and birth control. It wasn’t a miraculous fat-melting pill
for me like it is for others. In the first 3 months, I only lost 16
lb., but it’s been slow and steady. I’m still big, but I’m also
still fighting. It’s been 5 years since my diagnosis. I don’t
have periods anymore, which honestly makes me feel like one of the
Unwomen from Margaret Atwood’s A Handmaid’s Tale. And I’m
not back to where I was when I started. I’m a 16/18 and 245lb. I’m
much more active now – 18 months ago I completed the Couch-2-5k
running plan and have been jogging my 12 minute mile since. I’ve
run a couple of 5ks and started taking swimming lessons, which I
love.
I think one of my
biggest hurdles is that, when I look at myself, I don’t see the
weight loss. Being large, even though it wasn’t my fault, was
emotionally traumatic for me, and when I look in the mirror, I am
disgusted with myself, still. I don’t know if I’ll ever look at
myself kindly, but I hope one day I can. There has been wonderfully
tangible evidence of my weight loss – little victories that so many
others in the world would never consider, but for me were so
meaningful as to move me to tears. I remember when I bought a dress
at a normal store. I remember when I fit into an airline seat without
the armrest biting into my hip. I remember when I didn’t need the
seat belt extender. I remember getting below 270, 260, 250.
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And I’ve had to
learn. I’ve had to learn how to eat and how not to eat. I’ve done
well with the Paleo/clean eating movements. I don’t do it perfectly
– every day feels like a battle against my stupid body, and many
days I hate it. I’ve tried to learn not to examine everyone else’s
waists and hips and thighs, because it only ever leads to negative
self-thoughts, which are NOT productive. I’m trying to learn how to
overcome the 16/18 plateau, which I’ve been on for a few years now.
One doctor told me that I should work out for 2 hours every day, but
honestly, it wasn’t all that effective.
Anyway, there’s
my story. My name is Andrea, and I have PCOS. I weigh a lot and
battle self-loathing, but I’m not alone, and neither are you. It’s
hard, but it’s harder alone than it is with supportive friends. I
will not give up the fight for my health. I will never be skinny, and
I may never have children, but I will be happy, fit, and healthy,
even if it kills me. ;)
If you want to see what Andrea is up to, you can stalk her umm.. follow her blog here.
Isn't she hott!!!
love it Andee!!!!!! your fav sister!
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