Sometimes, it is in our moments of weakness and fear, that we come to discover just how extraordinary we really are.

My Friend posted a story on her facebook page... and I stole part of it.   Why.. because it speaks to me.

 Now, once upon a couple of weeks ago, I had a freaking awesome dream: I was enjoying myself at Disneyland, when all of the sudden, all of this water came flooding into the park. For some reason I was terrified of water, and to make it even worse, there were these gigantic sea creatures in the water coming for me. Coming right at me to my left, there was an angry, dark purple octopus, whose body was the size of a standard McDonald's restaurant. As I ran away from it, a flood of water swirled around in front of me and inside of it were two ginormous eels (who resembled the shrieking eels from 'The Princess Bride', only bigger). I found myself surrounded, until this lady pulled me up onto a sail boat that randomly appeared out of no where, as the water grew deeper underneath us. The animals starting attacking the boat, rocking it until I finally lost my balance and fell, griping on to a thin rope that connected to the mast. The lady reached down to pull me back up, but the monsters knocked the boat again, and my grip slipped and I fell into the water. As I sank beneath the waves, an extraordinary thing happened: I looked towards my feet, expecting to see feet, when instead I saw underneath my torn jeans, a gorgeous, flowing tail, that was thin and billowy towards the edges almost like that of a goldfish, and rich with the bright colors of the sunset on a cloudy day. I had turned into a mermaid! Whaaat??? And that was when the chorus of the song, 'Silent All These Years' by Tori Amos started playing in my head: "But what if I am a mermaid in these jeans..." I looked and saw the eels coming after me, and I used my new found Barbie mermaid tail to swim and dart around obstacles and outsmart them until I lost them. I found the boat and climbed back on it. Then the prince showed up in his boat, who, for some reason, was Bill Pullman from Casper, and I got on board his boat and told him how I had no idea that all this time, I was really a mermaid. He took me below his boat saying, "I want to show you something," and showed me this swordfish, whose eye was bigger than a person, and told me that this fish's eye had become infected, and while he was studying it's eye, he discovered that this fish could see many, many times more than a human being, and pointed out that he would've never discovered this, had the fish not gotten sick, forcing him study it more closely to find a cure. And he said to me, "Sometimes, it is in our moments of weakness and fear, that we come to discover just how extraordinary we really are."

Bill Pullman from Casper, in my dreams, is a genius.

I have been thinking about this dream a lot. Why do our weaknesses and fears make us stronger? They, themselves, don't. They are an obstacle in our path. It is when we choose to overcome them, and find the courage to face our fears and triumph over our weakness; that moment when we break down the wall that was holding us back, THAT is when we realize that there is no limit to what we can do. To what we can become! We make ourselves stronger, in that moment that we make that choice. In finding the cure for our ailment, the path through the obstacle before us, we discover things about ourselves that we never knew, and those are the things that make us extraordinary.

Maybe you are a mermaid or a *puts on best Zoolander impression ever* merMAN, "in those jeans of his with her name still on it…"

See... That's super inspirational. Here is why it speaks to me... I am AFRAID! I get so scared that I will work out and eat healthy and still be chunky. I am scared that I will fail. Losing weight should not be something that frightens a person... but it does! To more people than just me. 

 However..  it is in our moments of weakness and fear, that we come to discover just how extraordinary we really are!!

  I am ready to keep going and never quit!!

5 pounds vs 100 pounds...

I have some super skinny and beautiful friends. See....

They are skinny, and gorgeous! And they are great!!!

I love these girls!! And when we get together, we talk about things that girls talk about. Kids, babies, and of course weight.

When a girl who weighs 140 pounds tells a 200 pound woman about how fat she feels and how she just wants to lose the last 10 pounds, you want to punch a puppy! Or them....

Listening to them go off on how ugly they were, and how fat they were, made me feel like SHIT. If they are fat.. then what was I? A beached whale? A Cow? A fat ass? Tub-o-lard? Should I just go die of diabetes now?? Waddle out of the room??

Its depressing. Its sad. I hate it. How can you not compare yourself to them when they keep throwing it in your face. I would just about kill someone to look like them. And they are ungrateful and keep whining about it!!!

This is something that really messed with me. For a long time. In fact, I refused to hang out with this group of friends for a while. I was unable to control my emotions and I refused to be depressed because of a girls night out.

Then I started going to the gym with a friend who is bigger than me. And as we are running, I talked about how I wished I could run faster for a longer amount of time. And how I wished I could lift more weights. And she got the same look in her eyes.

There I was...  Being the person that I hated. Thing is, if I had never felt that before.. I would not have been able to figure out why she was upset.  She would kill to be able to run as far and as fast as me. And I know that her first goal weight is what I weigh right now.   I felt like such a schmuck!


Then it CLICKED!!!!!  It does not matter if you have 100 pounds, 10 Pounds, 50 Pounds, or 20 Pounds to lose, it feels the same! We all have the same emotions. We all get frustrated. We all have the fear and anxiety about not being able to do it.

We are all in this together.  I could hang out with my friends and not leave depressed. I would go to the gym and be a little more careful about what I said. And I could share my concern for my weight and my encouragement! -- Don't get me wrong.. I still refuse to go swimming with them. he he

It was a big moment for me, and I thought I would share.

Wednesday Weigh in

Welp.. Nothing much to say. I wanted brownies last night. and so I skipped dinner and ate brownies. Which means I went up in weight from what I was at before.

So... I stayed the same:

The good news is.. I have been lifting weights again. I get my happy little behinder up and to the gym every morning. Its a love hate relationship. I LOVE lifting weights. I HATE getting up at 5:30 every morning. I LOVE doing something good for myself. I HATE being sore. Seriously.. I am kicking my own butt, and I am so sore!

Here I am at the gym after getting ready for the day.

And just because I am feeling sassy today....

7 easy tips to help you lose weight and stay motivated

1. Drink at least 100 oz or water every day -  When you are losing weight, the fat separates from your body. The only way you are going to remove it, is to flush it out. And that takes water. Its possible that you are losing weight, and that weight is just sitting in your body... waiting to leave. Water is SO SO SO important.

2. Never have a cheat day - This one is hard to think about. You can cheat. But, have a cheat meal... Every day and every meal counts. If you know you are going to go party with the girls.. eat a healthy breakfast. Healthy Lunch, and then have a big dinner. But NEVER cheat all day. You are working so hard... why throw it away in one day. 

3. Weigh in daily at first. My My weigh in day is on Wednesday, and I was only weighing in once a week. Every Wednesday and Thursday were a party for me. I was not going to see the damage for at least 5 more days. And I had time before then to work it off. YIKES. When I started to weigh every day, I became responsible for my actions. I made smart choices. I wanted good news every morning.

4. Do not eat food after 7 pm. If you want to lose weight at all.. DITCH THE LATE NIGHT SNACKS!!  Your body burns more fat when you sleep than you every will working out!!! Crazy HUH! (That's another reason why its important to get enough sleep at night.) However, you cannot burn fat when you are digesting food. You need to give your body time to digest your dinner before you go sleepy. Bob from the biggest loser says you should be a little hungry every night. If you were only going to follow one rule... this would be the one.

5. Have a weekly goal. And make it reachable. I want to weigh 136 lbs. I am 58 pounds away from there. Queue depression! Its SO overwhelming to think of that. However... If I say.. By the end of the week, I want to be 1.5 pounds less. And I work by butt off to reach that... I can feel like I am accomplishing something, and I can stay motivated to keep going. NEVER have a goal of over 2 pounds a week. its not healthy!! And its going to be almost impossible to hit that goal.      If you are going to do fitness goals.. trim your time off by a few seconds.. not minutes. And only raise your weights by a lbs or two. Remember, it took you months and months, and years to become the way you are now. You are not going to become wonder woman.. super sexy by the end of the second week. Its going to take time.

6. Remember that instant gratification is not worth it. Think of the long term. Every time I want a piece of candy I have to say... Do you want to be trim and healthy and sexy, or do you want to stay the same way you are now. Chubby and not healthy.. but still sexy...   And the answer is always TRIM! and Skinny and Sexy.  I then say... well... you are never going to be skinny if you keep making the same choices you have always made. So I turn the cookie down. 

I can tell you that its TOUGH! Every time! It has not gotten easier yet. I HATE it. But.. I want to change. I want to be better. And the candy is not going to help.

7. Eat Breakfast .. Remember how I just told you to not eat after 7 pm. Well now that its morning, and you have just burned all of that fat... your body is wondering if you are starving. Will it ever get food again?? You must eat breakfast as soon as you can when you wake up and let your body know that you have food to eat and its going to be fed. That way, it will release more fat during the day. It no longer feels the need to store all of your food as fat...   You can read more about this by clicking HERE.


I promise you that if you only followed these rules you would astound yourself. You would see a change in your body. But remember... its a  gradual change. So you MUST STICK WITH IT!!!

NEVER GIVE UP!

and never act like the funny lady below!!

Liebstaer Award!!!!!

I've been nominated for the Liebster Award (it's German for favorite) 

 By 

Brook at http://thepursuitofhealthy.blogspot.com/ 

And Amanda atL http://www.hookedfromhello.blogspot.com 

and Jennifer at: justjenn426.blogspot.com/ 

and Tangela at  https://findingmyselfinfoodandfitness.wordpress.com 

and Emiley at:  https://findingmyselfinfoodandfitness.wordpress.com

 

Can you believe all of the LOVE I was shown!!! On MY!!!!  Thank you all ladies!! You are the best!!!

 

Here are the Rules:
- Each person tagged must post 11 things about themselves.
- They must also answer the 11 questions the tagger has set for them.
- They must create 11 more questions to ask bloggers they have decided to tag.
- They must then choose 11 bloggers to tag with less than 200 followers.
- These lucky bloggers must be told.
- There are NO TAG BACKS.

11 Things About Me:
1. I'm love to run.. but I run slow
2. I don't have any kids.
3. I'm addicted to sugar. 

4. My dog is named Sheisa. Which is shit in German.
5. Yes... I love my dog. :)
6. I love checking the mailbox for mail. There is nothing better than a letter... well.. maybe a comment on my blog. :)
7. I am very crafty. 

8. I have been married for three years

9. I hate hanging up clothes in the closet. I would rather clean the toilet

10. I have used the bathroom at work without shoes on.. Its a small company if that makes you feel better. :)

11. I live in Utah, and I have been to NY a few times. Baltimore, North Carolina...   but never California.

The questions I need to answer:
1. What is your biggest challenge with food?  -I have no self control with food. If I want cake.. I eat it. I need to be better at telling myself no.
2. What is your favorite food? - SUGAR!!! Anything sweet. I cannot get enough of that stuff!!
3. Do you have children? Nope. Not yet.
4. Do you speak any other languages? A little bit of Spanish.. but not really.
5. How do you manage to eat healthier while eating out? I drink SO much water. That way I have less room to eat food.
6. Who has been the most supportive person in your life? I feel like I have kinda been alone for my life. Not because no one was there for me... but because I did it to myself. So, even though I have only been married for 3 years.. it would have to be my hubby.
7. What is your favorite genre of music? - All of them. I like country, some rap, pop, hip hop, classical, Christmas... You name it.
8. How long have you been blogging?  For almost a year...
9. Why did you start blogging? - I wanted to find people out there who knew what I was feeling. Who knew how hard it was to stick with working out and eating healthy. And I wanted a place to post my feelings where I would not have to actually talk to anyone.... I do kinda like to keep to myself..
10. Your all time favorite blog to read:  Um... I don't really have one. I read about 50 blogs every week.. and I love them all.  I talk about blog posts that I have read and quote them all the time. I always tell people that my friends told me that info. :)
11. What is your favorite season? Autumn!!! I love it!!

So now I am supposed to write down 11 questions, and have my 11 nominated hotties answer them. However... because I am a slacker and took my sweet lovin time posting this... EVERYONE has already been nominated. Stupid procrastination.  So.. Instead... go check out the amazing beauties that nominated me. And comment on their posts. Because those girls are AMAZING!!!

To lazy to scroll back up to the top of the page... No problem.. Here they are again. 

Brook at http://thepursuitofhealthy.blogspot.com/ 

Amanda atL http://www.hookedfromhello.blogspot.com 

Jennifer at: justjenn426.blogspot.com/ 

Tangela at  https://findingmyselfinfoodandfitness.wordpress.com 

Emiley at:  https://findingmyselfinfoodandfitness.wordpress.com

 

Have a great day!!

Wednesday Weigh in

Well.. Here we go. Another week down.. another weigh in..

And I am down again.. Hurray!!!


On another note... Its halloween!! And that means.. costume contest at work.  I was the dark haired boob. :)

I have the very best friends ever!! Ps.. we dominated the costume contest winning two of the three prizes!!

Hope your Halloween is the best ever!! And be strong.. no candy!   (ppsshhs.. like that is possible)

5 K, Half marathon and Weigh in Wednesday... For last week. :)

Wow... The last little while has been a BLUR! Lets start with last Saturday the 20th of October. I ran a 5K with my cousin Suzanne. :) It was beautiful!! And so much fun!

Speak no Evil... See no Evil..... RUN!

No fancy costumes.. We just went out there and ran. :)  I am not even sure of our time because neither of us had a watch to time it. We feel like it was some where around 30 minutes, but who knows. :)  In the packet that we got there were gloves and see through vampire teeth. So of course we had to use them in our photo. :)


The days after that burred together... and before I knew it.. It was weigh in Wednesday. And here is what I weighed in at:

Hurray!! Back into the 180's!!!   It felt really good to see the outcome of my good food choices. It was tough to say no to the food I loved, however, when you can see the pay off, its great!!!


Once again.. time moved quickly and before I knew it... It was Saturday and my half marathon. And I had not trained well enough for it. So my plan was... just finish. :) Me and Suzanne decided to deck our selves out in pink.. with lots of glitter. Why... because we could.

Putting make up on Suz.

Here my eye.. pre- bling. Just the pink.

All Decked out...

I even managed to talk my IT guy at work into running the race with me. :) He was a magician!

Our fun group!

I have the greatest friends/family!

The race was pretty darn tough! My shoe was tied wrong, and I was in the zone so I did not want to stop and re tie it. Well around mile 6 I HAD to stop. My foot was killing me. Yeah.. I am dumb! I should have stopped right at the first. Oh well...   I finished. And I ran almost all of it. As much as I could without training at all.

Here we are at the end.. yep. Sitting on the ground... looking into the sun.. super glad that we are done.

 And of course we had to get our pictures taken with these guys. The entire time they were saying how sorry they were for the stink.. It was funny.

Today, I am a little sore. Not as bad as I thought I would be. I am super tired. I wish I was still in my bed. And my foot... Kills! I really should have just stopped and re tied my shoe.  Over all.. I am SO glad I ran. It was the perfect ending to my running season this year.

My roller coaster of weight loss.. oh.. and a 10K and a weigh in

Do you guys do what I do???   Lose 10 pounds... Gain 5.   Lose 7 pounds... Gain 4.   Lose 3 pounds, gain 5.... So on and so forth.....

Ultimately, you are down in weight from where you started... but you get really discouraged. Its tough! losing weight is HARD! Its heartbreaking, its horrible, its soul searching, its a mental game... its rough!!!

That is the game I am playing. I started out at 204. Lost 10 pounds... gained 5. Lost 10.. gained 7. Lost 4... gained 5.. lost 3... gained some more. 

 Today I weigh in at:  190.4    Yuck.   I need to break through the mental blocks that keep holding me back.

 On a happier note.. I ran a 10 k last weekend with my friend Ash. Aren't we so cute!!!! It was pretty darn cold when we started, but about a mile into it.. I LOVED the cold. I get really hot when I run.

Our finishing time was 1 hour and 13 minutes.  Which is not too shabby! In fact, I was really impressed with out time. I have not trained very well since I hurt my leg and foot back in Aug.


And one last picture just for fun... Me with make up on...   I swear.. I never wear make up. I don't wear very much make up... but there is a bit of a difference. 

Without make up

With Make up

Have a good week ya'll. And make smart choices!!

Giveaway winner!!!!

Hurray!! Today is the day that I announce the winner of the Weight tracking Jars!!!

There were 14 comments on the giveaway post. I went to a random number generator and had it search for numbers somewhere between 1 and 14.

Random number generator said: 9

The 9th comment was:

Hurray!! Congrats Allison!! I really hope this helps you get extra HOTT for your trip to Cancun in January!  PS.. I am REALLY jealous!!

Send me an e-mail at browneyesallen at gmail dot com.   If I do not hear back from you by 10/17 I will draw again. :)

Congrats again!!!! 

And just for fun... Here I am this morning at work. Can you see my jars on my desk... aawww yeah!!!

Getting back to what's important

On Sunday I threw a little bit of a fit and I shut down my Facebook account. I realized that if I did not check my Facebook a few times a day, then I would start to get anxiety about it. And I would read others posts and take them so seriously. I was being judgmental, emotional, irrational... It was making me a mess.

How did I get like that? How did social media become such a HUGE impact in my life? I would not talk to my friends for months because I can stalk their page and find out what is going on. I MISS my friends. I miss laughing with them, and joking around. I miss acting like a complete moron in public and having people laugh so hard they have coke come out their nose.  So I deactivated my Facebook for a while.

And good things started happening. My cousin called and we had a girls night. My Friends Ashley and Lacie and I had a girls night. I have not laughed so hard in a long time. And it was so great to see them again.

I have also got to spend more time with my hubby! We have laughed, talked, flirted... it has been great. I did not realize how much time social media was taking up in my life.

This might be lame of me.. but I have had withdraws. I do miss being able to log on and stalk my friends. I miss being able to post random crap for the world to see. Such as...  "wow.. on the way to work today, I saw a pink truck. I was a little jealous!"... Or.. "Its midnight and I just can't sleep... WHY!"...   "girls night... Ashley almost had her caramel shake come out of her nose.. it was awesome!" You know.. random crap like that... that no one cares about!!!   -- I honestly do miss it though.

I think I will be back on Facebook some time after the presidential election...  A month or so is just long enough to prove that I CAN break my addiction. And long enough to get all of the political posts over with.

In the mean time.. I am going to keep posting here. A little less than I used to, and I am going to keep kicking a$$ in the gym.

PS.. I am moving my weigh in days to Wednesday. I started a fitness challenge and we weigh in once a week every Wednesday. So, do not get your panties in a wad when you do not get to see what I came it at tomorrow. :) Your going to have to wait until the 17th.

Also... If you have not entered my give away... DO IT!!!!!

Friday Giveaway! My first one! :)

Remember these cute weight loss jars I made. I decided that I wanted to give away a set. 

Here is why I LOVE having my jars:

I LOVE getting to move a gem from one to the other. 
I LOVE being able to see what I have lost even if I cannot see it with the way I look.
I LOVE having a visual reminder of  my goal
I LOVE how they look.



To make things better- You can enter twice.

To enter you must follow my blog.


1- Leave a comment letting me know why these jars would help you out
2-  Pin this giveaway and leave a separate comma letting me know.

I will announce the winner next Friday. :)

Soo.. I lost a bet...

A few days ago a made a bet with a friend and I lost. My punishment was to plank in 10 places around the office and let her take pictures. I could not choose the places. And I could not say no.

I thought I would share my shame with you. Enjoy.

It starts out easy with the mail cart... nothing to it.

 

Then the garbage can. Other than breaking a boob by smashing it.. pretty easy.

The table outside. Once again.. easy peasy. 

Yuuup.. thats the fridge. I did dust it before I got up there.. however.. still gross.

 

Some shelves...

Some chairs.....

Reception desk....

The railing.. this one was hard to do, and I did start laughing...

Here I am laughing...

Across the stairs. This one was pretty tough because the stairs are wide.

 

And last but not least.. my co worker Zach.

 I hope that you all enjoyed my shame. And the randomeness. And the awesomeness of my work place which allows me to randomly plank without being fired.

Happy Thursday.

Being your own Inspiration

The last few weeks have been rough on me. Seems like every night around 7:30 pm my stomach gets upset at me. I believe its something that I am eating, because it usually happens about 20 minutes after I eat dinner. (Good news is.. I'm not preggo. Phew! I love babies.. just not my time yet) My stomach makes working out really tough. So last week, I only worked out a few times. It was great and horrible all at the same time.

Great because I got so much house work done. My house has never been so clean and my laundry so caught up. However, I felt like crap.

Another reason the past few weeks have been rough is due to my work out buddies being busy. It's really hard to go to the gym by myself. Its hard to be motivated to go and lift weights without your buddy. I don't know about you.. but walking around the weight section all by yourself as a girl is really scary for me. The guys tend to watch you work out, and I HATE having an audience. I want to go and work out and not worry about men oogleing my goodies as I get hot and sweaty. :)

Any who.. I had to come to terms with myself. I had to sit myself down and have a chat. Why am I working out? Why am I eating healthy? Why do I want this so much? Its all for myself. So why can I not get my butt up and get myself to the gym in the mornings? Or Evenings? Why am I not motivation enough to work out.

I found out that I am. I AM worth getting up and working out. I AM worth going to the gym by myself. I AM worth moving all of the furniture in the living room and doing the 30 day shred every night. I AM! It was a huge moment for me. I break through of sorts.

Because of my pep talk, I decided that this week I was not going to miss a single work out. So far.. I have not. I have done the 30 day shred twice and I have "ran" twice. Ran is not really what happened.. I would jog as far as I could before I doubled over in pain, and then I would walk it off. Yuck... but I did it. I made it happen.

I urge... Demand... suggest.. plead.. that you all will have the same chat with yourself. Find your inner motivation. BE YOUR MOTIVATION!! YOU ARE WORTH IT!!


On a less serious note...   I found an app for my phone that makes you look fat...   Check out extra fat Paige...  If that's not motivation, then I do not know what is. - The app is called fat booth. Check it out.. its loads of fun.

Friday Weigh in - And Weight loss jars

Well... Its slowing starting to melt away again. :)  I love it when the scale goes down. At this point, I will take any loss that I can get.

Remember.. Time is going to pass, and you can either be losing weight, gaining weight or staying the same. I figure, If I am losing anything at all.. its GREAT!

A long time ago I made myself some weight loss jars and I set them in my bathroom. I was going to move a jewel every time I lost or gained weight. This way I could have a visual of how awesome I was doing when I lost weight. After months of never using it, I decided I was going to bring it to work and start making myself accountable.

Here they are... Howe cute are they!. I have no idea how many jewels are in the pounds to lose jar, however, I cannot wait for the day when its empty! 

 

And just for fun.. Here is a picture of the mountains that I live by. Fall is definitely here, and I LOVE it! I swear I live in the most beautiful place ever. You should all be jealous!! 

I tried something new with my eye makeup this morning and I was going to try and take a picture to show you.. However the HUGE ZIT right between my eyes kept distracting me... Its hard to take a sexy picture of yourself when you feel like a pubescent girl. So I took this photo instead. 

On that note... have a great weekend!